the truth was set free.

me and anna told him the truth last saturday.
what really happened..
and he's --> O_O
he knows now. now what?

anna asked him if the feelings are still there.
unfortunately, he said no.. its gone. its all gone.

but this got me thinking.
anna told me that he wants to talk to me to tell me that its all gone. but until now, that topic never came up. i mean, whats to be scared about? im already broken, why not tell it to me now. i know that it would be harder the second time around, the feeling that you would know that it would never work.
what happened to second chances?
when we were in 7th grade, i never had feelings for you and yet, you kept on telling me that you love me. and now. maybe its my turn to tell you how i feel.

i taught you to never give up, and now, maybe its your turn to teach me...

but of course, i will never guarantee that things would be the same as before...
i just want us to have the conversations that we had before, the best friend conversation...

i dont know. maybe im numb. maybe i became numb. :|
for days. i didnt laugh so much, i didnt smile, i didnt cry...
after knowing that its all gone.. *sigh*

but today. during training, i got an eye-opening moment.
i got my emotions back (if that was even possible)
i learned to cry and to go back to my senses.
i prayed to give me more pain, for the pain wont be concentrated on my heart (yuck, drama)
so He did give me pain, i got hit by a ball 2 times, HARD. one on the face and one to my bum. plus the pain of my hip since monday..
I LOVE GOD. :)
now i really know that He listens to me, no matter how i say it, no matter how i feel, no matter what im doing. He always listens to me. and of course, to you guys too.

we talked tonight. i missed it. so much.
he said that he would be coming back to merville nxt next week for Parish Involvement..
he was kind, he kept on using that big smiles emoticon.
i didnt expect him to make my day, even though today was a painful day for me. and im glad that he did. :)

and to that other person. you said sorry, even though i know that it wasnt sincere at all, i accepted it. after a year without talking to me. you suddenly say sorry after my status messages were like that.
and now you are going to say that it wasnt entirely your fault?
you said that you were only 1/6 of the problem. and the others was his decision. his decision whether to love me or not.
yes, i agree to that. but if you havnt interfered, maybe there's no decision to make.

oh well. i just hope that everything would be fine soon.
real soon.

what a merry christmas for me. :|

CONFUSED.
reg. :|